God himself threaded the very fibers in your .ZIP SHIRT with his awesome powers. Don't believe us? Try it on and feel the heavenly aura pulsating across your chest. Each shirt comes pre-compressed, virus and maleware free, and compatible with the latest Male/Female OS systems. But wait, there's more! Get free US shipping if you order in the next 12 eons. Or for our international customers (こんにちは！) pay a low flat rate of $9.99 for international shipping to most major countries like Japan, France, Germany, UK, and Antartica.
Does it really make my chest look amazing?
Although we already think your chest is amazing - wearing the .ZIP SHIRT has a 99.9% chance to give your chest imaginative super-awesome super powers. The eyes of your enemies will figuratively be plucked out of their skulls as they succumb to your new, florescent white, and attractively designed tshirt. Plus, all your geeky friends will think you're cool and want to know where you got this wonderful gag gift too.
Will it improve my drunken sex life?
Um... no. In fact, the .ZIP SHIRT was designed to complicate it considerably. You see, there's this zipper on your chest that you can't remove. Sounds like a reciple to spend hours scratching and clawing in your drunken stupor trying to unzip your shirt and take it off. If you're a masochist, it'll be right up your alley. In fact, we recommend you buy 10. If you're not, it's generally good advice to avoid alcohol with the .ZIP SHIRT.
Do you ship to Moldova?
Give us a moment as we google where the heck you are. You have a post office right? And an airport? Contact us. As long as your country isn't that obscure we'll see what our post man can do. He's a world-traveller, you know?
Can I get it gift wrapped?
Gift wrap what? Shirts? Pizza? People? You might want to ask a more specific question next time. It's like saying Do you eat? or Does it snow? The answers - yes, yes, no. If you send us a real nice letter, because it's your best friend's first time skydiving or something epic and attach a picture of a lolcat doing a handstand, we'll throw in gift wrapping for free. Why? Because you just wasted 10 minutes of your time on the internet looking for handstanding lolcats just like we did.